15: Recorded by Swami Visweswarananda
In the morning the Mother was making arrangements for worshipping in the shrine of the Udbodhan house. In the course of conversation I asked her, “Why do you have so much attachment? Day and night you talk of nothing but Radhu, just like people terribly entangled in the world. Many devotees come to you but you pay no heed to them. Is such deep attachment good for you?” I had spoken to her in this strain several times earlier also. At this, the Mother used to reply humbly, “I am a woman, and I follow my womanly nature.” But today the Mother said rather animatedly, “Where will you find another like me? See if you can find my peer. Do you know, those who are much given to contemplation on God develop a subtle and pure mind. Whatever object such a mind takes hold of, it sticks to it tenaciously. That’s why it appears like attachment. A flash of lightning is seen in the glass panes but not in the wooden shutters.”
Once I said, “Mother, my mind is never disturbed by evil thoughts.” Mother immediately became startled and said, “Don’t say like that. It is too presumptuous for one to speak in that strain.”
Another day I told her, “Mother, you give initiation to so many people, but you never enquire about them. You don’t even give a thought about what is happening to them. A Guru keeps a keen eye on his disciple, seeing whether he is developing spiritually. It would be better if you did not give initiation to so many people. You should initiate only as many as you can keep touch with.” The Mother replied, “But the Master never forbade me to do so. He explained so many things to me. Could he not have told me something about this as well? I entrust the Master with their responsibility. I pray to him every day, ‘Please look after them wherever they may be.’ Besides, do you know that the Master himself taught me these Mantras? He gave me Mantras possessing great power.”
One day while discussing about bija-mantra, the Mother disclosed to me many Mantras and remarked, “I have given you everything I had in my bag. Will you give spiritual initiation to others?”
Disciple: No, Mother. I myself haven’t achieved anything.
Mother: Well, what’s the harm in giving initiation? You can give.
Disciple: Mother, please make me renounce everything so that I don’t have attachment for anything.
Mother: You are an all-renouncer already. Will you grow two horns now?
Another day at Jayrambati I asked the Mother, “How can one realize God? – through worship, Japa or meditation?
Mother: By none of these.
Disciple: Then how?
Mother: God is realized only through His grace. Nonetheless, one must perform Japa and meditation, for they remove the impurities of one’s mind. One must practise spiritual disciplines such as worship, Japa, and meditation. As one gets the fragrance of a flower by handling it or the scent of the sandalwood by rubbing it against a stone, similarly one becomes spiritually awakened by continuously contemplating on the Divine. But you can become illumined right now, if you become desireless.
One day at Jayrambati after my meal I was about to remove the used plate, when the Mother prevented me, catching hold of my hand, and taking the plate herself. I said, “Why should you do this, Mother? I shall remove it.” At this she said, “What, after all, have I done for you? A child, as you know, soils the lap of its mother. And how much more besides! You are indeed a rare treasure even to the gods.”