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(Swami Swami Yogananda is one of the direct disciple of Sri Ramakrishna)

We of little faith and limited understanding can hardly appreciate the grace and blessings of the Master that have descended on us in disguise, in spite of the sorrow of separation. We saw how the Holy Mother, even in the midst of her intense grief at the demise of the Master, fully realized his divine grace and presence at all times. We thought ourselves as helpless orphans, but the Mother’s love became our sheet-anchor.

At Vrindavan the Holy Mother had many spiritual experiences. One day her lady companions found her absorbed in deep Samadhi. They uttered the name of the Lord in her ears and tried to bring her mind down. I then repeated the name of Sri Ramakrishna with all my might and strength of voice and then the Mother seemed to come down to the ordinary sense-plane. During such periods of ecstasy, the Mother’s manner of speech, her voice, her way of taking food, her mode of walking and her general behaviour were exactly like those of the Mother. We have heard that in deep meditation the worshiper and the worshiped become one. The scriptures mention a spiritual state known as tadatmya-bhava, being at one with God. We have read in the Bhagavata how the Gopis, unable to bear the separation from Krishna, became so deeply absorbed in the thought of Him that they forgot for the moment their own individualities and behaved as if each of them were Krishna by herself. In the same manner characteristic of the Master, using event the same easy style of expression with metaphors and parables.

We were all surprised to see the spirit of Sri Ramakrishna unified with her. It was unique. We realised that the Master and the Mother were one in essence, though appearing in separate forms Is it not said in the scriptures, ‘Lord, thou art man, thou art woman’ (tvam stri tvam purnan asi)? The Master told me many times that there was no difference between his body and that of the Mother.

Nearly two days passed in that super conscious state. A great transformation came over the Mother after that experience. Thenceforward she was seen to remain always immersed in bliss. All her sorrow and grief and her feeling of separation from the Master vanished. A serene, blissful mood took their place. She sometimes behaved like a simple, innocent girl of young age.

Sometimes she would be eager to go to the various temples of Vrindavan for darshan or to visit holy spots on the banks of the Jamuna associated with the divine sport of Krishna and the Gopis. She was then in such a blissful state of mind that at times her yearning for Krishna’s presence and her utterance of His name with intense love reminded us of Radha. I have heard from Golap-Ma and Yogin-Ma that the Mother at times frankly spoke of herself, expressing the view that she was Radha. She passed her time in constant meditation and japa and would often go into ecstasy, remaining self-forgetful for hours together.

We accompanied Mother to Hardwar. There her mood was quite different. Like an ordinary pilgrim she offered worship at all the temples on the banks of the Ganges. But at the sight of the Himalayas she stood speechless, she liked Vrindavan more and returned there soon.

While at Vrindavan, by the grace of the Mother I could understand and appreciate the divine leela (sport) of Krishna.

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