Part One – Guru’s Grace
1. Introduction – ‘A Lifetime with Bhagavan’
One day I wondered why I was visiting him at all. What was the use? There seemed to be no inner advancement. Going up the hill was meaningless toil. I decided to end my visits on the hill. For one hundred days exactly I did not see Bhagavan. On the hundred and first day I could suffer no longer and I ran to Skandasramam, above Virupaksha Cave. Bhagavan saw me climbing, got up and came forward to meet me. When I fell at his feet, I could not restrain myself and burst into tears. I clung to them and would not get up. Bhagavan pulled me up and asked: “It is over three months since I saw you. Where were you?” I told him how I thought that seeing him was of no use. “All right,” he said, “maybe it is of no use, so what? You felt the loss, did you not?” Then I understood that we did not go to him for profit, but because away from him there was no life for us.
Whenever I went up the hill to see Bhagavan, I used to buy something to eat and take it with me as an offering. One day I had no money. I stood before Bhagavan in a dejected mood and said: “This poor man has brought nothing. ” Bhagavan looked at me enquiringly and remarked: “Why you brought the main thing. All else is unimportant. ” I wondered, not knowing what I brought. “Don’t you understand? You brought yourself,” laughed Bhagavan.